Sometimes the beginning just happens to run us over. Not in the numbness of a final moment, nor while you close a door or a cardboard box marked "Kitchen - Fragile". But in the midst of a normal day when you enjoy the same sip of coffee and talk with the same office colleague about the same vacation that she will never get to go.
And it hits you like a tram off the rails. Whether it's the revelation of some eyes speaking to you without opening their mouth, the deja-vu of a place where you see yourself through your lashes in moments that you have not lived yet, or an idea that uncovers you in front of your face as very different than you thought you could be.
The beginning starts as a piece of sunshine that follows you reflected in a window from the block in front of you. It plays with your eye lids like a butterfly you are trying to scare away with your hand. Until you don't try anymore and stop to admire it's perfection, understanding that it is looking for you.
It starts nice, calm, quiet as the surprise of a warm summer rain in a hot day. And instead of hiding in the first bus stop, you choose to walk further feeling as the rain embraces you to the skin. The beginning is beautiful, it's a baby's smile, innocent and crystalline.
But the beginning is filled with traps because it's power comes from your soul. From that part which nobody used yet because nobody knows how to get to it. From the corner where you hide the silver cutlery for important guests.
And it feeds on you. In the early days it feeds on your enthusiasm and your quiet smile permanently imprinted on your face. Then it starts to feed on your impatience. Impatience with which you feel you want to leave the old clothes and to try on the new one bought from the store. Impatience with which you have no time to do what you used to do. Then it starts to feed on the nights when you do not have the patience to sleep and on the hunger that you haven't had the state of mind to quell.
And you wake up tired in the middle of an unknown road that you do not remember taking because you were too full of yourself. And you're sitting in front of your window looking for the same sunshine in the windows in front of you. But the sun has passed the afternoon and its light is now gentle and quiet. It heats without burning and give light without shining. And if you're lucky, you'll catch your reflection in the window for a moment and you will understand that you are not you anymore, and your are not where you were. But that it's here where you should be.
Or you will frown, thinking that you had a dream, you will dress nicely and you go to work. And at lunch break you will discuss the crazy few days you've lived with the same office colleague, enjoying the same cup of coffee in the middle of an ordinary summer day.
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